Jokes part two (this time its personal)

"How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. "

"There's a New social messaging utility for staying connected with partners of domestic Violence. Twatter.com"

"I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the tube and think 'I'll ing have that!' "

"I had a German plumber round the other day to fix my shower. He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply. I guess old habits die hard. "

" "

F*cking hell haha

sikipidea top lad.

"a drunk bloke drivin home from the pub 1 nite looses controll of the car. he slams on the brakes and hits a island sideways on and rolls over four times. flattens a bus stop and lands upside down under a lampost. up comes a copper. he says.. are you drunk sir. the bloke says.... OV CORSE IM DRUNK!! IM NOT A F***IN STUNTMAN!!!!!"